


Touched by Evil

by celticheart72



Series: SVU and the Occult [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Childhood Friends, Clairvoyance, Crack, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Psychological Trauma, Rape, Sexual Violence, Undecided Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-03 06:55:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10962027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celticheart72/pseuds/celticheart72
Summary: When William Lewis is brought into SVU for exposing himself in a public park and Amanda Rollins can't figure out who he is she calls her friend, Katie, to read him hoping to ease her mind of the bad feelings she has. When their snarky ADA exhibits skepticism over Katie's abilities she gives him a glimpse of her clairvoyant abilities making him uncomfortable but intrigued.





	1. Touching Evil

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crazy idea for a story I had when I woke up at 6 this morning. I've been watching The Conjuring too much. Anyway, I only intended it as a one shot to get it out of my head, but if anyone is really interested in my continuing it just comment.

Katie Jackson walked into the SVU squad room and looked around for her friend, Amanda Rollins, who called her there. She’d said she had a ‘perp’ who had burned off his fingerprints, didn’t have any ID, and she had a really, really bad feeling. Amanda wanted Katie to come and see what she could tell the squad about the man, who they currently knew as William Lewis. It wasn’t often she did this, her abilities were a blessing and a curse and they took a hard toll on her, but Amanda sounded frantic. Her friend was prone to melodrama at times but Katie’s intuition told her it was with damn good reason this time. She was skeptical that any of her squad would take her seriously, she’d consulted a few times in the past with Dr. George Huang on SVU cases, who had some level of respect for her, but he had been in Oklahoma for some time. Katie and Amanda were childhood friends and Amanda was probably the only person in the world who really believed in her.

Amanda must have caught sight of her because she jogged out of another room full of people. She was wearing a light blue windbreaker and yellow top underneath with leggings and tennis shoes and Katie noted Frannie was with her.

“Hi Katie, thanks for coming down,” Amanda said with a smile and hugged her, Katie could feel waves of frenetic energy coming off Amanda.

“It’s not a problem, you know that Amanda, but no one here is going to believe anything I say,” she told the blonde detective.

Shaking her head Amanda stopped and looked at Katie, “You know what, I don’t care. I have a really bad feeling, I can’t figure out who this guy is, and I just need to know if I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.”

“Okay, it’s your funeral,” Katie quipped with a shrug.

“Oh ha ha,” Amanda said leading her into the room she had just vacated.

She knew Capt. Cragen, Liv and Fin. There was a tall dark haired man in a gray and white baseball shirt she didn’t know and another slightly shorter man she didn’t know with neat brown hair touched by gray wearing a bright yellow jacket with a red polo shirt and white jeans. They all turned to looked at Katie as she walked in with Amanda.

Cragen started to say something and Amanda held up a hand, “Look Captain I know what you’re going to say. Maybe Katie can tell us something, maybe she can’t. If nothing else it might ease my mind a little bit.”

Fin was shaking his head, “Naw, it won’t. Anything she tells you is just going to get you going more than you already are.”

Amanda huffed at him, then remembered there were two other people in the room Katie didn’t know and introduced Detective Nick Amaro and ADA Rafael Barba.

ADA Barba was looking at Katie with a hawk-eyed gaze that she felt looked right into her soul, “And just what might your expertise be?”

“I’m a sensitive, a clairvoyant of sorts. If I touch him I can get a sense of who he is, what he’s done,” she explained.

He dropped his chin to his chest and pinched the bridge of his nose as he turned to Amanda, “Uh huh. And just how do you figure that will help Detective Rollins? Bringing in the Long Island Medium isn’t going to get us points with a judge.”

Katie pulled the white glove on her left hand off and clamped her hand around his right wrist making his eyes fly open to look at her. “You came here from a date on a yacht with a woman named…Vanessa. She’s pretty, shoulder length blonde hair, blue eyes. You were hoping for cabin sex. You hide behind your sarcasm and snark because you don’t want to get close enough to anyone for them to realize you actually care about the people in this room or the victims you fight for. Your father was a bully growing up, he took his anger out on you and your mother and…”

“Okay enough,” he snapped yanking his wrist out of her grasp. “Go, touch our chafed jogger if you think that will get you somewhere.” She noted he was rubbing his wrist where she’d grabbed him.

Keeping her uncovered hand in her pocket she looked to Amanda, “Just tell him you’re a consultant, offer him your hand to shake. He’s pervy enough he’ll do it just to touch you.”

Katie rolled her eyes, “That’s just gross Amanda.”

Nick handed Amanda a soda from the machine, “Here, take this in to him. He asked for a drink before he asked for a lawyer. That’s a good pretext for getting Madame Cayce in there.”

Amanda gave him a dirty look but took the soda, “Her name’s Katie, Liv, Fin, and Captain all know her.” Turning to Katie she gestured to the interrogation room door, “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Katie returned and pulled her other glove off and handed both to the ADA. He took them with an annoyed look.

When they stepped into the room Katie was hit with an overwhelming feeling of suffocation, the room was full of such dark evil energy it was oppressive. The man sitting at the table looked at her with a sickening smile that felt devoid of any human emotion, his eyes held a sadistic gleen and she knew before she touched him that he had killed and caused immense suffering. Amanda set the soda on the table in front of him and Katie held out her right hand.

“Hello my name is Katie, I’m a consultant,” she said, and when he took her hand with that smile and covered it with his other she was hit with more feelings and visions than she knew what to do with. “I…”

Fortunately, right at that moment a red-haired woman walked in the door, “I hope you were just leaving since my client invoked?”

Amanda nodded, “Yeah counselor, we were just leaving.”

Walking woodenly behind Amanda she caught the man leering at her and when she got through the interrogation room door she went straight for Cragen’s office and dropped to her knees in front of the garbage can in there and started dry heaving. Amanda followed closely behind her.

“Katie!” Amanda exclaimed and started to pull her hair back out of her face but Katie pushed her away.

“No…don’t touch me…” was all she could choke out as she continued to heave into the trash can.

She kneeled there for a few minutes until her stomach calmed and someone handed her a wet cloth. Looking up she saw the ADA giving her a sympathetic look. “Thanks,” she said and wiped her mouth pushing the can away from her after tying off the trash bag in it. “Do you have my gloves?”

He handed those over to her as well and she pulled them on, once she had he held a hand out to her in an offer to assist her from the floor. She accepted his hand in her gloved one, and stood on wobbly knees as everyone else filed into the room.

Looking to Captain Cragen sheepishly she gestured to the trash can, “I’m sorry…”

Waving his hand he smiled slightly, “Don’t worry about it. Just tell us what that was about.”

Looking to Amanda she took a deep breath, “You were right to worry. His name is actually Lewis Williams, he’s kind of smug that wherever he goes no one gets his name right so he gets away with a lot things. He is the most evil human mind I have ever come into contact with. The man enjoys causing pain, he loves control and domination. He brands his victims with hangers, cigarettes, whatever is convenient. Rape is just a start for him, he enjoys humiliating women, degrading them, breaking them to the point they beg him to rape them just to get it over with. When he gets bored of their suffering he kills them and moves on to the next. You and Detective Benson need to be very careful with him.”

She noted Amanda glanced to the other woman with some concern. Katie could still taste the bile in her throat. What she never told anyone was that when she touched someone like Lewis she actually felt the suffering their victims went through as if it were happening to her in that moment. Katie could feel her skin being branded, the humiliation of stripping for him, the violation of being penetrated against her will, the fear of knowing this was how life was going to end. It was why she always wore those damn white gloves when she left her house.

“Well, I hate to break up the party but none of that is admissible in court. I can’t take him to arraignment and tell the judge our medium had a premonition,” ADA Barba quipped.

Katie sighed and rolled her eyes, “I’m not a medium, I don’t channel dead spirits. Look, I came because Amanda asked me to. I’ve told you what I can. I really need to go home, I need a shower and an exorcism.”

She saw ADA Barba’s lip quirk up in a kind of cute half smile before she turned to the door and walked out of the room. If they’d met under other circumstances she might have hoped for a date.

Amanda had followed behind her as she walked to the squad room door. “Thanks Katie. I know they may be skeptical but I’m not, at least now I know I wasn’t overreacting.”

Katie pointed a gloved finger to the interrogation room where Lewis Williams sat, “Be very careful of that one. Mark my words before this is over he will kill again and leave a trail of suffering and pain in his wake.” Swallowing back the vision she had of someone handcuffed to an old metal bed she turned and left the squad room.


	2. Drinks and Pizza with Kidnapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I originally intended this story as a one shot but I have evil readers who encourage me and give me inspiration. Thank you nikolledenise! There will be at least one chapter that is very violent and dark but I’ll put it in the notes at the beginning of the chapter (or chapters) when it is. There will be some Rafael/OFC interaction, but not sure how far I’ll take that. This fic won’t be open ended, not quite sure how I want to end it yet or how many chapters.

Katie had every intent of going right home after leaving the SVU squad room but her hands were shaking and the images in her head were still swimming around. The after effects of touching a mind like Lewis Williams were the reason she rarely used her abilities any longer. She didn’t touch people she didn’t know well, well not until the handsome ADA that day, that surprised her probably as much as it did him. Not many people in her life knew her whole story, she was quiet and reserved, and people that didn’t know her tended to think she was mentally unstable. She wasn’t of course, but she had to be careful in her day to day interactions. Being a sensitive meant she picked up on the feelings of others without touching them so she had to close her mind off to a degree in order to function. When she touched people she could feel their thoughts, see flashes of their memories, and sometimes catch a glimpse into something that might happen. Amanda was her only close friend, more like a sister than anything else, and she was thankful to have her.

There was a bar near the SVU precinct and Katie ducked in there and sat near the door before asking the bartender for a shot of tequila as well as a tequila sunrise. When he dropped the drinks in front of her she downed the shot and asked him for another one. Alcohol numbed her ability to close her mind to the voices surrounding her so she didn’t indulge often, but she needed to get the images out of her head more. She drank down her second shot before asking for another which she left sitting in front of her and started drinking the mixed drink but her brain wouldn’t shut off the images she had seen. Pulling her phone from her purse she pulled up Amanda’s contact.

_Katie: Hey Amanda, I’m going to crash at your apartment tonight. I’m at the bar near your squad, I needed a drink._

_Amanda: Okay Katie, the guest room is yours, you know that._

“Well, I thought you had to go home for a shower and an exorcism?” She heard the ADAs voice behind her.

Swallowing hard she looked to her right when he sat down after shedding his yellow jacket, “The shower can wait, and exorcisms are only for inhuman spirits. I figured you’d go back to Vanessa and your yacht.”

He smirked, “It’s not my yacht, and I dropped her off at home before I came to the squad.” The bartender dropped a glass of what was probably scotch in front of him and he took a drink before turning toward her, “How did you know about her by the way, the rest would be relatively easy to guess by anything Rollins might have told you.”

Katie groaned and dropped her head into her hands then downed her third shot and asked for a forth. Fortunately, Amanda’s apartment was just a few blocks rather than the several miles away of her own apartment so she didn’t have far to go. Turning toward the ADA she waved a gloved hand toward his right wrist, “When I touched you. I could see her, her name was in your thoughts.”

Letting out a bark of laughter he gave her a disbelieving look, “Bullshit.”

She pulled her left glove off again and held her hand out to him, “Give me your hand.”

He narrowed his eyes but put his hand in hers.

“Think of a memory only you would know,” she told him, and when she saw his expression turn skeptical again she let out an exasperated breath. “So I don’t have to go searching. Everything I said earlier were what was either at the forefront of your mind or readily accessible.”

Giving her an annoyed look he took a deep breath and motioned her to hurry it up.

Closing her eyes she let herself open up to him, he was feeding her a fond memory of his grandmother, she smiled and hummed as she watched the memory play before her eyes. “When you graduated law school your mother was at one of your friend’s graduations instead. You were heartbroken, but your grandmother was there for you though. She patted your cheek and called you ‘El Juez.’” Opening her eyes she looked at his startled expression, “What does that mean?”

Taking a breath he composed himself and took his hand back, “El Juez?” He took a drink of his scotch and watched her nod, “It means the Judge.”

Katie took a deep breath and gave the ADA in front of her a serious look as she pulled her glove back on, “I was very serious when I said Amanda and Detective Benson need to be careful with the one you know as William Lewis right now. I’ve never touched a human mind as evil as his and I’ve only encountered one inhuman spirit more evil. He’s not insane, he knows exactly what he’s doing, and he enjoys it.” She drank down her forth shot and most of the mixed drink, “Mark my words Mr. Barba, he is not done with his reign of terror.”

He was giving her a speculative look and when she tried to stand and faltered slightly he reached a hand out to steady her.

Her tongue and lips were tingling and her brain was finally shutting down, “Thanks. I’m going to Amanda’s now. She has alcohol there and it’s better for me to be alone when my brain is mush.”

“Let me take you, you’re not steady on your feet and it’s getting dark,” he said standing up and dropping money on the bar for both of their drinks.

“Yeah, okay. Good idea,” she agreed, she’d forgotten how much of a lightweight she really was.

He led her to a car in the SVU garage and opened the passenger door for her to get in. After driving her back to Amanda’s apartment and assuring she was safely locked behind the door he left. She went to the cabinet where her friend kept her liquor and grabbed the bottle of tequila she had left the last time they had a margarita and trash TV night in. By the time Amanda made it home Katie was passed out on the couch with the half empty bottle of tequila in her hand.

A week later she was working at her desk at home coding the medical bills she had been assigned for the day when she got a text from Amanda.

_Amanda: Be careful, William Lewis is out. I have a bad feeling._

_Katie: I’m fine Amanda, I only told him my first name, he has no way to find me. Don’t worry so much about me._

_Amanda: Yeah, well I worry. Just be careful._

She got off at 3 and she decided to walk to the pizza place around the corner from her apartment to pick up a pizza for dinner. When she got back to her apartment she opened the door and was immediately overwhelmed with a wave of nausea and the same suffocating feeling she felt when she was in the room with Lewis a week earlier. Before she could turn around to go back out of her door a gun was pointed at her cheek.

“Hello Katie,” she heard Lewis Williams’ voice and she stood as still as she possibly could as she watched him come around her to lock her front door and put the chain on it before taking the pizza box from her hands.

“Why are you here? I don’t have anything you want,” she said as calmly as she could.

“Well that’s where you’re wrong sweetheart, of course you do.” Lewis smiled at her as he leered over her frame and wet his lips.

Katie closed her eyes, she was the one handcuffed to that old metal bed in her vision.


	3. Evil Incarnate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STERN WARNING this chapter depicts an act of violent rape and physical/mental torture. It is very dark and violent so proceed with caution.

Lewis kept Katie in her apartment until the early morning hours, he didn’t rape her, not yet, he said when they got to that point he wanted to savor the moment, make her scream his name as he fucked her. He did put duct tape over her mouth and forced her to remove her shirt and pants then branded her breasts and thighs with wire hangers, keys, cigarettes, and a few other metal oddities he found interesting in her apartment. When he discovered the white gloves Katie wore not long after taking the pizza box from her and asked her what they were for she tried to lie to him and say she had a skin condition. That was what lead him to the first branding.

He smiled and ran the barrel of the gun over the skin of her cheek, “Don’t lie to me little Katie. Remember I saw your hands back at SVU. You didn’t have any marks on your skin then at all.”

Swallowing hard she looked at him from her position on the floor of the kitchen in front of the stove, “When I touch someone I can feel what they’re feeling, see glimpses of what they’ve done, what they think.” The waves of evil intent, feeling of suffocation, and overwhelming nausea threatened to break down all of the mental barriers she kept trying to throw up to protect herself.

“So that’s why Amanda brought you in to see me?” He asked with a smile running the gun over her neck and to the v of her blouse. “When Vanessa told me you were some kind of psychic I thought you’d be the most fun.” Moving the gun so that the opening of her shirt revealed the swell of her breast, he smiled at her, “Take off your shirt.”

“Wh…What? Why?” Katie asked, fear lacing her tone which just made Lewis smile even more.

“Punishment for lying to me. Now do it!” He was down in her face, anger in his eyes.

Her fingers flew to the buttons on her shirt and she struggled to undo them and shrug it off. Lewis looked around the kitchen until his eyes fell on the knife block and he pulled the honing steel out of it with a smile before he went to the stove and held it over the gas flame there. Once he was satisfied it was hot enough he kneeled down in front of her with the tip of the steel held in front of her right breast.

She turned her head as he leaned into her and whispered in her ear, “If you scream I’ll put this someplace it will hurt more.” With that he moved the top of her bra aside and pressed the steel tip into her flesh. Closing her eyes she held back a scream and just sobbed as Lewis smiled.

He took her from her apartment in the early morning with his arm around her shoulder as if he were a loving boyfriend leading his girlfriend to their car for a trip. Before leaving her apartment he allowed her to put her shirt and pants back on then led her to a parking garage where he forced her into the backseat of a car she knew was stolen. Then he duct taped her hands and feet together and put tape over her mouth before shoving her onto the floor and covering her with a tarp. She hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before since Lewis had taken her pizza from her and he hadn’t given her anything to drink but vodka. Katie was lightheaded, weak, had a headache, and couldn’t focus. More than anything she was terrified of what would happen when he forced her to touch him because she knew that was coming. The things she saw and felt when she shook his hand for less than a few seconds in the squad room were still with her. She knew what he was capable of, and she knew she would suffer more than most because he’d make sure she felt the full effect of his evil intent simply by making her touch him.

Throughout the drive she was in and out of consciousness. She didn’t know how long it had been since Lewis had taken her or where they were. At some point he must have carried her into a house because she woke to find herself handcuffed to the old metal bed from her vision. The tape was still over her mouth but her legs were free despite being bound together. When she started moving around it didn’t take long for him to show up in the bedroom doorway with his arms crossed over his chest.

“It’s about time you woke up sweetheart, now let’s get those clothes off shall we?” He leered over her as he walked her way and she sobbed silently.

In her visions at SVU she felt her skin being branded, the humiliation of stripping for him, the violation of being penetrated against her will, and the realization that was how life was ending. She’d endured the first of those, and was about to endure the second, it would be a miracle if she were saved from either of the last two. Katie was sure at some point he was going to make her touch him and things would be so much worse when she did. That was her biggest fear. Feeling his mind, seeing what was in his head again. The physical pain and humiliation she could overcome. She wasn’t sure she could withstand the aftereffects of touching the evil of a mind like his for any prolonged period.

After forcing her to strip for him Lewis had tied each of her legs to a post at the end of the bed so she couldn't bring her knees together since her hands were handcuffed to each post at the head of the bed. She had very little ability to move and every time she did try to shift position it put tension on one of her overextended joints. After splaying her out like that he'd put duct tape over her mouth yet again and left her there with a kiss to her tape covered mouth. Before leaving he told her he had to get rid of the car and get a new one and he wanted her naked in bed waiting for him when he got back. Fortunately despite forcing her to remove her gloves with her clothes earlier he hadn't made her touch him. Yet. But now she was completely vulnerable to him, physically, emotionally, and psychically.

She tried screaming but the tape was taught over her mouth and all it did was make breathing difficult. When she tried making noise by flailng around on the bed that just served to make her entire body hurt. Her only choice was to lay quietly on the bed and hope that Lewis wouldn't make it back and someone else would find her. Someone that wouldn't be inclined to take advantage of the fact that she was powerless to defend herself.

Katie finally worried herself into a fitful doze and when she woke sometime later she found Lewis kneeling between her legs running the barrel of the gun over the fresh burn marks on the insides of her thighs making her leg jump.

When he realized her eyes were open he smiled, "Well hello sweetheart. Are you ready to have some real fun?"

She shook her head so hard she yanked on her right shoulder and winced in pain. Tears started rolling down her face and she was silently crying.

"Awwww, did that hurt? Let me see what I can do to fix that," he stood from the bed and undid the handcuffs from the railing but he cuffed her wrists together instead and tossed the other set of cuffs to the end of the bed.

With the slight freedom of her hands she was able to wiggle her bottom down the bed a little to relieve some of the tension in her knees and ankles. She tried to sit up so she could cover herself up but Lewis pushed her back with the gun to her chest as he kneeled on the bed between her legs again.

"So Katie, tell me. How does this work? You touch me and you can see into my soul?" He yanked the tape from her mouth and was smiling again, that same sadistic smile that told her he was enjoying every ounce of discomfort he could wring out of her.

She was trying so hard to be brave not to show him she was petrified of the thought of touching him, but her tears answered him where her words couldn’t.

Grabbing her handcuffed hands with one of his he pulled them up over her head and held them there. She was overwhelmed by waves of sadistic pleasure at her fear, her humiliation, and degradation. When she cried while removing her clothes earlier with him standing there watching her he felt some kind of sick satisfaction at his complete control over her. She could see his thoughts roam over the other women he’d played these same games with and feel his satisfaction at his power and control over them. She felt him relish his earlier arousal from her fear and pain as he splayed her out on the bed for his use later. And in that moment as he hovered over her holding her hands down with her legs spread open and unable to move she could feel his perverted gratification that he had fully dominated her. She heard his belt buckle as he undid it, his zipper as he pulled it down, and his groan of excitement as he released himself from his jeans and shoved his erection violently inside of her. Katie cried, silently sobbing as he moved inside of her, and that aroused him even more if that were possible. The more she cried the more it spurred him on. She could feel it in his thoughts, he relished her fear, it got him off. At one point she went totally silent and all that did was make things worse. His thoughts turned angry, evil, and grew more sadistic. He reached down between them and stimulated her until her body betrayed her and when she started to cry again he calmed a little and grew more aroused. He made sure to keep her hands in his so she would feel the entirety of his thoughts, see what was in his mind, until that first ordeal was done. That happened twice more in the night before he finally left her alone, bleeding in the bed, sobbing, humiliated, degraded, feeling betrayed, her mind broken.

She’d fallen into another fitful doze and when she woke found him hovering over her with a bottle of vodka which he poured down her throat and covered her mouth with the tape again. Katie’s vision was swimming as the process started all over again. When she turned her head to the side she saw a shadow behind Lewis, then he was no longer inside of her or on top of her, and suddenly her mind was free.

The dark-haired man Amanda had introduced as Nick Amaro was there standing over her, covering her with something, and turning to someone behind him yelling for a bus before her vision turned black.


	4. Shock and Awareness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda retells some of Katie's history. Rafael intervenes to help when Katie won't respond to anyone.

**Amanda's POV**

When Fin called her to say they'd found Katie she was both relieved and scared. She knew from the start what William Lewis was capable of even when he was just a chafed jogger as Barba had called him. Before Alice Parker and Vanessa Mayer's parents, before the young cop, and before Katie. After he exposed himself and they discovered his burned off fingerprints Amanda suspected that he might be one of the worst sexual predators they'd ever encountered. It was her fault, she called Katie, exposed her to him. If she hadn't done that Katie wouldn't have been kidnapped and had who knows what horrid things done to her. They were taking her by ambulance to Bellevue and Amanda grabbed her jacket from her desk just as Liv was leaving her office.

Liv pointed at her and gave her a withering look, "You can't take her disclosure, you're too close. Too emotional right now. Barba wants an air tight case."

Amanda gave an exasperated huff, "Liv I know I can't, but I need to be there. I'm all she's got, her parents are dead. And I'm her healthcare proxy, if she's shut down she won't be able to consent to anything and they'll need me."

The older woman gave her an odd look, "Are you two..."

Rolling her eyes Amanda shook her head, "No! We're like sisters." As they walked to Liv's car Amanda told her an abbreviated version of their childhood history. "We've known each other since we were babies, our parents were best friends. We were close, always together, closer than Kim and I ever were. I was the only one who ever believed her, believed in her. Her parents sent her to psychiatrists and had her committed multiple times thinking she was schizophrenic or worse because they thought she heard voices." Amanda hesitated, trying to determine how best to explain, "She doesn't...I mean she does, but it's not the same thing. She describes it as hearing chatter where you can't quite make out what people are saying but you get the tone and context of the conversation. Sometimes she'll actually catch what people are thinking when their emotions are running high but that's not very often. She has to touch a person with her hands in order to do that."

They'd gotten to Liv's car and Amanda got into the passenger side. Liv looked over at her as she started the car, "I'd never heard any of this. When she consulted before, Dr. Huang just said she was like a medium but for the living. It must be horrible to walk through life never having any peace or quiet in your own head."

Amanda shook her head and looked out the window as Liv drove to the hospital, "It's not as bad anymore. Over the years she's found a way to block a lot of it out. When she was a kid and she was being medicated it was bad, the meds made her brain mush and she said that just makes it worse, they break down the barriers to keep it out. She can't block it when she touches a person though, that's why she wears those gloves. She's really careful about who she touches, and that's what I'm worried about. If she touched Lewis again, she might have shut down to protect herself."

"This is a bit beyond me Amanda. I mean, physical and emotional trauma I can comprehend, but you're talking about something that does sound a lot like a mental illness," Liv said honestly.

“I know it does, she struggled with that when we were younger too. She thought the same thing. Imagine hearing someone else in your head and not understanding where it came from, but you saw what she did with Barba. That's how she finally figured out she wasn't mentally ill," Amanda explained.

“Yeah, that was impressive, certainly threw him off,” Liv replied and pulled up in front of Bellevue.

They went inside and after telling the charge nurse that Amanda was Katie’s healthcare proxy they were led to a waiting room where they found Fin.

Liv looked around, “Where’s Nick?”

“Went with the unis to make sure Lewis got into lockup,” Fin told her.

Amanda was looking at the floor and chewing her lip, “What did he do to her?”

Fin shook his head, “You don’t want to ask me that.”

She dropped into the chair next to Fin, “God Fin, I asked her to meet him, if I hadn’t done that this wouldn’t have happened.”

“This isn’t your fault Amanda, you know that…” Liv offered and a doctor walked out.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Patel,” she said, “I understand someone here is Katie Jackson’s healthcare proxy?”

Amanda stood up, “I am. What’s wrong?”

The doctor shook her head, “She’s awake, but she won’t respond to us, she’s in shock. In order to do the rape kit you need to sign the consent for her.”

Nodding Amanda held her hand out for the consent form and signed it then handed it back, “I’m going with you, I know what this is. She’ll do what I ask her to.”

“If she wants to disclose make sure you come get me,” Liv told her.

Holding up a hand Amanda shook her head, “She won’t, she’s shut down.”

Liv and Fin looked at each other as Amanda walked back to Katie’s room with the doctor so they could get the rape kit done and treat her injuries. A few days later when Katie was ready to be discharged from the hospital she went back to Amanda’s apartment with her. She was still in the same trance like state and Amanda knew from the last time it had happened that she’d probably stay like that for at least a week or more. Katie was present enough to take care of her basic needs but anything else she had to be given a specific direction from someone she knew and trusted. And that was Amanda.

About five days after Katie was discharged from the hospital, on a Tuesday, Amanda brought her into the squad at Barba’s request. He was insisting they needed to talk to her and since he hadn’t seen her condition he didn’t understand when Amanda tried to tell him she shut down and wouldn’t respond until her mind had healed. Amanda tried to explain like she had with Liv but Barba just rolled his eyes and told Amanda to get Katie into the squad. Without her Grand Jury testimony they had little to hold Lewis on since he was claiming it was all consensual and Barba insistent that Lewis was not getting away with what he’d done this time.

When they walked into the squad Amanda found Barba, Liv, and Amaro in front of their bulletin board with the pictures of Lewis and his victims pinned on it. Barba turned their way and when he noticed Katie’s blank stare his brow furrowed and he waved them to Liv’s office. Amanda led Katie in there and told her to sit down in one of the chairs in front of the desk, she did and just stared straight ahead with her hands in her lap.

“Rollins, we need her to talk to us, she has to disclose to Liv. If she doesn’t we can’t hold Lewis for much longer,” Barba explained.

“Look you can try to get her to talk to you, but I’ve seen this before. She’s not going to come out of it until her mind heals from what she saw in Lewis’ head,” Amanda told him.

He rolled his eyes again and gestured toward Katie, “You keep saying that. How do you know that?”

It was Amanda’s turn to roll her own eyes, “Because I’ve seen it before. It’s a long story and I highly doubt you’d even believe me being the poster boy of skepticism and all.”

Barba pressed his right palm into his eyes, “Rollins, you don’t understand. I’ve already gotten a judge to give us an extension on indicting him until next Tuesday because of her physical and mental states. I won’t get another one. If we can’t indict he goes free until we can. We need her.”

Amanda shook her head, Katie wasn’t registering anything they were saying. She didn’t know if she couldn’t help them that the man who’d raped and violated her in the worst of ways would be out and able to do it again. All Amanda could do was try to get through to her the same way Lewis had broken her. It hadn’t worked so far but she’d keep trying, Katie was fighting for her sanity and none of them knew the extent of what she’d been through.

Taking a deep breath she sat in the chair to the left of Katie who still sat in the same exact position as she had when she first sat down. “Katie, take off the glove on your left hand.”

Katie lifted her hands and did as she was instructed before putting her hands back down in her lap. Amanda picked up Katie’s hand and held it in hers, letting her thoughts reflect exactly what Barba had said but Katie didn’t move, didn’t blink, didn’t respond.

Still holding her hand Amanda sat there for a few minutes then looked to Liv then Barba, “I don’t know what to do other than wait.”

His expression softened just a little bit, “She was right about me you know.” Both Liv and Amanda gave him a curious look and he smiled slightly as he watched Katie, “I do hide behind my words so you don’t know I care.” Barba’s eyes met Amanda’s and he motioned his hand toward Katie, “Can I try?”

Amanda wasn’t sure it was a good idea but Katie had touched him voluntarily twice before and hadn’t said she felt anything negative from him, so she stood up to let him take her seat. Letting go of Katie’s hand Barba took it instead and rested his other hand on top of Katie’s hand as well.

“Just let your thoughts…” Amanda started to tell him but he cut her off.

“I know how this works. She explained in the bar after coming here the first time when she was trying to make a point to me and I did some reading once she went missing,” he looked up to Amanda.

Chewing her lip she nodded and looked over at Liv who was looking grim. When Amanda turned back to look at Katie a tear was rolling down her cheek and she turned her head slowly to look at Barba.

“You’ll fight for me?” Katie asked quietly.

“With everything I have,” he assured her.

Amanda was shocked that Katie responded to him when she hadn’t responded to Amanda, but maybe there was some connection there that she didn’t see that allowed Barba to get through. The words they used sounded like they carried a double meaning but Amanda was sure they were simply referencing fighting to get justice for what Lewis did to her.

Katie swallowed hard and blinked several times before she nodded and looked at Amanda, “I’m sorry.”

“No honey, you don’t have anything to be sorry for okay? Can you tell Liv what happened now?” Amanda asked her, she wanted to be sure they got the disclosure now while Katie was lucid in case it was a temporary thing.

“Yeah,” she removed her hand from Barba’s and looked at him as she pulled her glove back on. “Can you leave though?”

He nodded and left the room and Katie relayed the entire ordeal she suffered through with Lewis. Amanda was sickened by just how sadistic Lewis was and hoped Katie could heal from this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s more Rafael/Katie interaction upcoming now that she’s lucid but I won’t be rehashing the last chapter. What happened to her will essentially be skimmed.


	5. Preparation To Face Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katie meets with Rafael to prepare for trial and he asks about her abilities.

Fortunately, because Lewis was discovered in the act Katie didn’t have to go to the station to ID him. But she did have to go to the courthouse for the Grand Jury the Friday after she came out of her self-induced trance. On Thursday Amanda came to the apartment to get her to meet with Barba to go over her testimony. Katie knew it was necessary, but that didn’t make it any easier especially since she left a piece out of her disclosure that might not be pertinent to the Grand Jury but Lewis certainly knew about it and it would definitely come up at trial. She knew she needed to tell Barba her disclosure wasn’t complete but the shame and humiliation of it was almost too much.

When they got to his office Amanda walked in with Katie to find him sitting behind his desk writing on a legal pad. He was wearing a dark brown vest, she assumed his dress pants must match, a dark pink dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a tie with varying pink and brown diagonal stripes.

“Hello ladies,” he waves a hand at the table to the side of his office. “Have a seat, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

Katie could feel the waves of determination and single-mindedness coming from him as she sat down and watched him with her head tilted to the side. He cared, even if it wasn’t obvious to the people he worked with, it was to her, she could feel it. See his disappointment and frustration anytime he lost a case and couldn’t get justice for someone who had put their faith in him. Taste the scotch he drank after every victory knowing that someone else who hurt an innocent person was going to pay for what they did. It was odd, normally she couldn’t feel a person’s emotions and thoughts quite so easily, but his were like an open book to her. Either her channels were still really damaged from her ordeal or there was still something connecting her to the snarky ADA. Something made him glance up and meet her eyes and he gave her a small smile before he stood and walked over to the table with the pad he’d been writing on in hand.

“Thanks for coming in. I just want to go over the process for tomorrow. Lewis’ attorney can’t ask you any questions, and he won’t be making a statement so you don’t need to worry about him being there,” he said and sat down at the table to her right side.

“Okay,” Katie replied and looked to Amanda who gave her an encouraging smile.

Barba looked at the notes in his hand, “I’ve been over your disclosure and I can guarantee we’ll get indictments for multiple counts of rape, kidnapping, assault. He’ll go away for life Katie.”

She could feel some trepidation in his tone, “There’s more Mr. Barba, I can feel it. Tell me what you’re avoiding telling me.”

“When we’re in here you can call me Rafael,” he told her, then looked to Amanda. “He’s going to claim it was consensual, try to spin it to look like you wanted to be with him.”

Katie’s eyes dropped to her hands, Lewis was going to bring it up, and he’d be acquitted. “There’s something I left out,” she whispered.

From under her eyelashes she could see Rafael give Amanda a slightly angry look. “Okay, you need to be completely honest with me so I can make sure we’re prepared.” His thoughts were anxious, worried, not angry.

“I had…he made…” Katie was trying to get it out but couldn’t and she could feel the confusion from both Rafael and Amanda then.

“What Katie, what else did he do?” Amanda prompted gently, her thoughts weren’t coming through to her, only Rafael’s which told her it wasn’t her channels. Something had kept her connected to him somehow, for some reason, it was odd because it just never happened. Even with Amanda whom she’d known all of her life, they had to touch for Katie to connect to her.

“My body betrayed me,” she choked out in a voice barely a whisper. With that admission she could feel pain and hurt at what was done to her from Rafael, not the disgust or derision she expected.

“Katie there’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a normal physiological response. You can’t control it any more than you can control laughter in response to being tickled. It doesn’t mean you enjoyed it, and it certainly doesn’t mean you consented,” Rafael explained, and with his words waves of understanding and support.

Amanda looked at her ADA with something akin to admiration and surprise, like she didn’t realize he knew or believed any of that. It did seem odd, hearing those words from him.

“That’s not what he’ll say,” Katie responded.

Rafael nodded, “I know, but that’s what I’m there for. I’m in your corner, fighting for you.” And she could feel he meant it, every word of it.

The next day the Grand Jury returned a multitude of indictments, not all of them she understood, but Rafael and the SVU squad were extremely happy. Lewis would remain in prison pending his trial which would be at least four months away, his attorney had to get through all of their motions first.

Katie wouldn’t return to her apartment, not that anyone could blame her, so she wound up officially moving in with Amanda. It wasn’t the first time the childhood friends had lived together, before Katie moved to New York City ten years prior to work with a paranormal investigation society they lived together in Georgia. Since Katie worked from home it worked out really well since she didn’t have to worry about coming into contact with too many people which would allow her mind and psychic channels more time to heal before the trial. She had told the entities she still consulted with that she wasn’t taking on any new cases for the foreseeable future. Since the exorcism four years ago that had caused her prior psychic shut down she rarely participated directly in paranormal cases anymore, she’d still consult, but rarely acted as the clairvoyant during investigations. Amanda had been the only person she told that story to, and was likely the only person that had or ever would believe in her or fully understand.

The months went by and she shut herself off from human contact for the most part to allow herself to heal. She was preparing her mind to be in the same room with Lewis Williams again, to feel his thoughts, the evil emanating from his very being. It was minds like his that she couldn’t block because they were so pervasively evil and she knew she would need every ounce of psychic strength she could muster to get through the trial. Having to relay every single detail of what happened in front of strangers, and Lewis, while he sat there smiling and getting aroused listening to the retelling of his violation of her, was daunting but she could manage that. Her biggest fear was having to touch him again and she raised that fear one day in Rafael’s office about a month before trial when he brought her in to start preparing her.

She was sitting in a chair in front of his desk while he wrote, as he always was, on a legal pad on his desk. He was in his normal attire, this time a steel grey suit with a white and burgundy striped shirt and bright burgundy tie, his jacket was hanging over his chair and of course his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. His mind was a flurry of thoughts, worry for her, determination to put Lewis away for life, and a million other things she couldn’t even attempt to follow. When she felt a strong urge for coffee emanating from him she chuckled.

He glanced up at her with a frown, “What’s so funny?”

“I really don’t think you need more coffee, your thoughts are already running a mile a minute,” she said looking past him to the glass case that held his legal books.

“Do you know how disconcerting that is?” He quipped.

She huffed, “Imagine how I feel?” Her eyes moved back to him again and she found he had dropped his pen and was giving her a speculative look. His thoughts had slowed down though and moved to wondering how she read him. “I honestly don’t know Rafael. I can’t do this with anyone else, not even Amanda.”

His eyes narrowed and he sat back in his chair with his hands steepled in front of him, “So tell me more about this ability of yours. I understand the basics, and I can’t deny that you’re pretty damn accurate.”

Looking to her hands she contemplated how to explain, “I hear chatter, you know like if there’s a room full of people all talking at once you can’t really hear exactly what they’re saying but you can get the general tone and context. That’s my norm whenever I walk into a room full of people if I leave myself open. I’ve learned over the years how to put up walls in my psyche if you will to keep the chatter to a minimum and only the strongest emotions or thoughts get through. With people like Lewis Williams I can’t block them, his mind is so pervasively evil that it seeps into the space he occupies and creates a feeling of suffocation. Like someone’s standing on my chest, filling my nostrils, blocking my reflex to breath. All I can feel is the evil intent.”

“So how does touching a person affect you?” He asked, he was genuinely interested now, curious.

Katie glanced to the flesh toned gloves she now wore, she’d started trying to semi match her gloves to her clothing when she left the house so it wasn’t as obvious that she was wearing them. “That allows me to feel what that person is feeling, see their thoughts, memories, almost as if I were inside their own mind. Whatever is on the surface I pick up right away, memories or thoughts that are buried take more effort. That’s why in the bar I told you to think of a memory, I could have looked for something but that’s intrusive and I don’t do that unless I have to.” She looked up to meet his green eyes, “I won’t have to touch him will I?”

“No, he can’t touch you. He will be at the defense table and only his attorney can approach you in the witness box,” Rafael assured her, she could feel the compassion emanating naturally from him.

However, that wasn’t how things went when it finally came to trial.


	6. Trial and Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lewis goes to trial and Katie gets some closure.

The day the trial started Katie arrived with Amanda at the courthouse when Rafael had instructed her to be there. She kept reassuring her friend that she was ready and would be okay, and the truth was that she really was okay. Facing Lewis Williams’ again and making him pay for what he did to her would go a long way to getting the justice a lot of women had been denied, and keeping others safe. Something inside of her had snapped into place at some point since she had started working with Rafael on preparation for the trial. He was the first person aside from Amanda who believed in her even if he was still skeptical about the paranormal. She knew he teetered on the fence of believing her versus thinking she was just damn good at reading verbal cues. And that was okay.

Getting through life with some sense of normalcy had always been hard for her, she’d believed for a very long time that she was truly mentally ill. Her parents had her convinced at a young age that she was sick and a danger to herself and other people so she let them lock her away and medicate her. All the medication did was make her brain mush and the voices were worse. One night she faked taking her medicine and the voices were quiet. She did that for several weeks until her parents were comfortable taking her home, believing that with continued medication she could be ‘normal.’ Little did they know that the meds were flushed down the toilet every day and she just stopped talking about what she heard. Amanda believed in her though, and thought she could do some real good with her gift. She did for a while, until the last exorcism four years ago.

Sitting in the hallway of the courthouse outside of Courtroom 4 she fidgeted with the hem of the black pencil skirt she wore. Rafael had specifically instructed her to dress conservatively and to leave the gloves at home since all they would serve to do was incite Lewis to draw the jury’s attention to issues not pertinent to the trial. She knew it was time to stop using them as a crutch, after all she hadn’t always worn them. Katie could feel Lewis sitting inside the courtroom though it wasn’t the same overwhelming feeling of suffocation she felt at the station or when Lewis kidnapped her. That feeling was dampened here with so many other people around to counteract it which would make her testimony a little easier. More than that though, she had finally returned to cleansing her channels every morning and making sure her mental blocks were in place if she was going to be in a situation with a lot of people. She was starting to feel more like herself, and more like she could return to the life she’d loved and left just over four years ago.

When she could feel anger coming from Rafael inside the courtroom she stood and started pacing the hallway. Amanda walked out into the hall a few minutes later and waved her a few more feet down the hallway to another bench.

Katie gave her an apprehensive look, “What’s going on?”

“Barba can’t come out here to tell you, but Lewis just requested to represent himself and they’re in chambers with the judge,” Amanda relayed looking down the hallway with a worried look on her face. “He’s furious.”

Nodding Katie looked towards the door to the courtroom, “I could feel it.”

Amanda’s head swung back around to look at her with a quizzical expression, “Really?”

“I know Amanda, don’t look at me like that,” Katie rolled her eyes at her friend. “I’m not sure why I can read him as easily as I can.”

The courtroom doors opened then and a bailiff called Katie’s name. Amanda squeezed her hand and followed behind her so she could take her seat in the gallery again. Katie walked to the witness box in the front of the courtroom with her head held high. She could feel Lewis looking at her, feel his thrill at having the chance to question her about every little detail of what he did to her, and feel his sickening arousal at all of the people in the room hearing just what he was capable of. Then Rafael was standing in front of her and she could feel anger emanating off of him. Not directed at her, but rather directed at Lewis for all of the pain and anguish he’d caused not only Katie but countless other women who didn’t get the justice they needed and deserved. When he started asking her to recount what happened to her during the time Lewis held her she could feel his empathy for her and disgust that a man could do to a woman what Lewis did.

Katie made it through Rafael’s questioning with few objections from Lewis, and with her emotions calm and intact. Once Lewis stood up to begin his questioning that changed. He was aroused, not physically, he had to be inflicting his own special brand of torture for that, but mentally he was relishing the details and it was heightening his desire and need to do it again. It was making her sick to her stomach that a man could enjoy hurting a woman, dominating, and overpowering her as much as Lewis did and in the ways he did. As he tried to intimidate her on the stand, tried to imply she was obsessed with him, and tried his best to break her will she held her ground and she could feel admiration for her strength coming from Rafael. She glanced to him which pissed Lewis off and he moved to block her vision so she raised her eyes to look directly in his. A wave of nausea overcame her when she did, especially when he got right up to the witness box and leaned in toward her, hovering just a foot from her face. Rafael jumped up then and objected vehemently, she could feel his distress that his promise to her might be broken, and he didn’t want her going through the pain of Lewis touching her again. The judge sustained his objection and Lewis was admonished to stay several feet from the witness box. When Katie was able to look at Rafael again she quirked the side of her lip up enough for him to see that she was trying to let him know she was okay. He looked worried, and when she glanced back to Amanda she could see tears and anxiety in her friend’s eyes. Lewis was obviously angry, his nostrils were flaring, and his fists clenching and unclenching. Rafael requested a recess then and the judge granted it, instructing the bailiff’s to take Lewis into custody until they were back in session.

When they were in the hall outside of the courtroom Rafael looked at her with concern, “Are you alright? I’m sorry…”

Katie held a hand up to stop him and smiled, “It’s okay, I’m fine. Really. I was prepared for this, prepared for worse really. Whether you realize it or not you’ve helped to keep me calm.”

One of his eyebrows quirked up at that, “That’s a little hard to believe.”

She bounced her shoulders, “Maybe so, but you have.” Reaching out a hand she laid it on his forearm and smiled, “You’re a good man Rafael Barba. And I’m thankful for all you’ve done.”

Amanda looked shocked and shifted her weight from one foot to the other before dropping her eyes to the floor with a little smirk.

“Well this isn’t over yet, so don’t thank me until the jury comes back with a conviction,” he told her and shoved his hands into his pockets. His eyes cut over to Liv who was just getting off the elevator, she was testifying next since she’d taken Katie’s disclosure.

“Mr. Barba, where is the big brass ego I hear so much about?” Katie chided him with a smile.

He snickered, “Being kept in check with this one.”

Liv had made her way to them by then and looked at their expressions, before turning her eyes on Rafael, “Ready for me?”

“Yep, calling you as soon as we’re back in session. A forewarning though, Lewis is representing himself,” he said and pulled his phone out of his pocket when it pinged as he spoke. “And the judge wants to see myself, Lewis, and his co-counsel in chambers. Again.” Shaking his head he walked back into the courtroom.

“How are you holding up?” Liv directed her gaze to Katie then.

“I’m fine actually,” she really wished people would stop asking her that and just treat her normally. She was finding she was tired of being treated like a victim as much as she was tired of being treated like she was crazy. Once all of this was over she was going to rethink some things.

Amanda and Katie made their way back into the courtroom and sat behind Rafael who was writing furiously on his tablet as always. Katie imagined he probably fell asleep in his bed at night writing on a legal pad and she could feel his frenetic thoughts going over and over what he needed the jury to hear. Liv was called to testify as well as Nick Amaro, the doctor who treated Katie at the hospital, and some various other people who came into contact with Lewis during the time Lewis held Katie. When all was said and done he was found guilty of first degree rape and kidnapping, the jury was only out for three hours before they came back with their decision. Everyone was happy with the verdict and when he was sentenced even happier as he was given life in prison with a minimum of 25 years before he would be eligible for parole.

Katie thanked Rafael for everything he did for her including believing in her, and without thinking she hugged him when it was all over. He was shocked but returned the gesture. She could tell he was trying to keep his thoughts neutral but there were faint hints of feeling there. Exactly what she wasn’t sure since he let her go almost as quickly as she had put her arms around him. It was obvious that Katie had gotten to him somehow though but it would be a little over a year before she’d have a real chance to explore it further. And unfortunately they wouldn’t be reconnecting under happy circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s the end of this part of the story since I’ve ended the Lewis storyline. I’ll be continuing in a part two which will likely be only a few chapters.


	7. To be continued...

For anyone interested in the continuation of this story see the sequel being posted titled 'When Opposites Attract'


End file.
